i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
