Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
