I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
