but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
