Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
