Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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