you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
