You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
