just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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