So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
