If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
