weddingsv make me drug and hornr
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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