what day is it and did you see me today?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
