gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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