TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
