never play flip cup with pint glasses
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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