I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
