I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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