:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
