ya dads aren't the best wingmen
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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