Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
