her facebook's as public as her vagina
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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