I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
