you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
