you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
