are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
