you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
