just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
