Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I pour the whiskey from now on
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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