Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
