If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
