He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
