I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I need to wash the frat house off of me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Pants are for mortals
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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