hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
