bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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