6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
if only i could text you this smell
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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