I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
