Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Say something about gay babies.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
