sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
