so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
