if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
