Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
