is your mom at the bar?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
