i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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