she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
