Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
