you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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