I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
