if you like me you must not know who I am
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
