My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
